*Edit: It's been brought to my attention that this sounds like a dig at other bloggers. This isn't what I intended at all. What I meant was that, in blogging circles, I've often felt alone in my background, especially as the top bloggers (by which I mean the bloggers who are household names) appear to be from middle-class backgrounds.
- Being repeatedly told during my teacher training that children on free school meals won't achieve as much as those who aren't.
- Again at university, being told that a child living in a council house won't have as high a quality of life as someone who lives in their own house
- Once again at university, a lecturer saying that children from council estates "won't have the same opportunities as you would have had". Ah yes, because there's definitely nobody from a council estate on this course...
- Being on a bus going through my estate as three teenage girls behind me giggled and said "I've never been through a council estate before! This is like a safari!"
- Withdrawing some money from my student grant when a friend said "I wish my parents were poor so I'd get more money!" Yeah... this extra £1000 really makes up the shortfall
- My little brother being predicted Cs for his GCSEs, even though he is working at A-grade standard, because the predictions are based on postcode
- Telling a guy I was seeing that I don't have a shower and having him reply "What? Not even in the en suite?"
- Attending a pre-application job interview (that's a thing in teaching) and being asked where my parents lived. It was 2011.
You will never understand
How it feels to live your life
With no meaning or control
And with nowhere left to go
You are amazed that they exist
And they burn so bright whilst you can only wonder why
I really enjoyed this post, Becky! It resonated with me as someone from a working-class background.
ReplyDeleteIt can be really difficult and almost feel like you have two identities clashing to think that you are now 'of a higher class' but I think the important part is more the values and attitudes that you have as a result of your experiences.
You wouldn't ever be as prejudiced towards someone as those that you've encountered! Your background has made you who you are and you'll never forget where you came from, no matter how much you continue to succeed.
Jenna
| princessparasox.wordpress.com | bloglovin' |
It's so true about the clash of identities and it's difficult to get used to. I just hope I can pass on what I've learned to my future kids- I'd hate them to have some of the attitudes that I've experienced
DeleteGreat post, Becky! I grew up middle class myself, so cannot relate to your experiences, but I do find myself angry at those who at like working class people are beneath them - I unfollowed a fellow blogger on Twitter just a few days ago as she posted a tweet that was degrading towards those who work night shifts in supermarkets. Not everyone has the luxury of working their 'dream job' and we should certainly be appreciative of thosewho work in services that help everyone!x
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I was worried this might come across as "I hate the middle classes" which isn't true at all, so I really appreciate your comment. I see so much snobbery on Twitter!
DeleteI had a similar upbringing, broken home, council estate, etc and it's always made me a bit uncomfortable how middle class the blogging world is (and how they're eager to state how inclusive they are, but they aren't really and hold a lot of really classist ideas). I can relate to a lot of these experiences, including my friend telling me how lucky I was to get EMA allowance regardless of the fact that I couldn't afford to get the bus to college without it. It's refreshing to see it all actually addressed, so thank you!
ReplyDeleteI was talking about this with Rich the other day- I think a lot of people don't realise they're being classist because they just don't have any experience of living on the "other side", if you like.
DeleteI'll be honest- I completely wasted my EMA! I lived just around the corner from college so no travel costs and none of my classes had any costs involved so I ended up spending it all down the pub!
This is a great post Becky! I come from a very similar background and now that I'm older, in university and living in a "good area" in a house that I rent, I do find it an odd situation to be in - especially when people are shocked to find out what my childhood was like, just because I supposedly sound posh and pronounce words properly (as if only middle class people do that?!). Another thing that gets to me is that my mum is now in a much better financial position than she was when I was younger, so my brother will literally just ask her for money all the time because he just didn't learn the worth of it the way I had to.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, sorry for the ramble, just thought I'd say I completely agree with you! Hopefully the way working class people are perceived and bunched together is something that can stop soon :)
I've had this too! I recently had someone comment on my "posh" accent and it really surprised me as my middle class friends laugh (harmlessly!) at my council estate voice!
DeleteThank you for this post. xx
ReplyDeleteDiscrimination is only getting worse, thanks to demonisation of those on benefits by the media - particularly papers like the DM and TV shows on Channel 5. Good on you for writing this post, I'm forever shouting about how shitty it is the way people who have less money are portrayed.
ReplyDeleteSo sick of seeing Twitter blow up hurling insults at "the undeserving poor" I could go on for days about it..
Cate in the Kitchen
I saw something in the TV listings the other day called something along the lines of "Benefits Wedding". It baffles me!
DeleteLove this post! Well said!
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this Becky! Where I live has such a bad reputation and is constantly referred to as an 'area of deprivation'. There is such a stigma attached to the village and its reputation. Its bizarre that there are still some who determine your worth by your economic status. I've had a job since I was 16 and worked my backside off for every opportunity I've had. I get on well with people from every walk of life, except those who look down upon others for where they have came from. I've no time for narrow minded people.
ReplyDeleteRoxie x
thebeautifulbluebird.com
"I get on well with people from every walk of life, except those who look down upon others for where they have came from" - Same here! I don't care what someone's background is but if they're going to look down on others for theirs, I have no time!
DeleteAh so well put!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I came across this post, I honestly thought that I was the only blogger to come from a council estate! I have had the exact same experiences that you have described; ever since school - which was in the more privileged side of town, I felt like the only one out of my group of friends who had not come from a middle class background! People still look shocked when I say that I never went abroad for holidays when I was young! People still look down their noses when I say where I live, as it's considered 'the rough part' (their words) of an otherwise affluent area of Hertfordshire. I never went to uni as no one at my school told me about such things as grants etc, the teachers assumed that I would be off to the job centre as soon as my gcse results came through. I got better marks than they predicted, did a diploma from home whilst working full time and and currently still saving every spare penny with my bf to try and get our own place. I'd never change a thing about how I grew up, like you I was taught to work for everything I have/want, appreciate what I've got and how to not judge anyone on face value.
ReplyDeleteA great post Becky :)
Sarah xx
simplysarahlou.blogspot.com
I thought I was the only one too! It seems that the only successful bloggers are from nice, middle class homes. It reminds me of Missing White Woman Syndrome- so many people go missing every day but the ones who get press coverage are pretty white girls from middle class homes but that's a rant for another day!
DeleteGood on you for doing so well and completely shaking off those predetermined ideas for your future!
I really loved reading this post precisely because I can't relate to it; you offered an accessible, positive take on a situation different to my own and I'm so glad I can read it and gain a different perspective from my own. I grew up around working class kids, being fairly firmly middle class myself, and I know they can achieve so much, but it is sad how class can be such an issue in this society. It's great to read posts that challenge common preconceptions. I remember seeing on Twitter when you were asking for other people's experiences and I was excited to read this post.. it didn't disappoint! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteLiza x
www.lizataitbailey.com
Liza, this is such a wonderful comment for me. I was really afraid of perpetuating the divide and making it sound like I was somehow against people from middle class backgrounds, so it means a lot to me to read your comment. Thank you!
DeleteBecky you always speak the truth, that's why I love your blog! Seriously enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteLust For Beauty
Thank you Amy xx
DeleteGreat post. I guess I feel something similar, because I'm often stereotyped as a posh, rich, upper class girl. Which couldn't be further from the truth. All because my mum scrimped, saved and poured everything she had working in the offices on construction sites to pay for me to have a private education. But as soon as people hear private education, they assume you must be rolling in cash. Now, years on, I'm definitely working class; on benefits, trying to make ends meet. Years ago, I would say we were working class, maybe bordering on middle class. But certainly not posh, and upper class as everyone would believe about me. I don't judge people by their class. You're on benefits, in a council house? You live in a mansion and have millions? We can still be friends, lovers, etc. It's time people stopped judging everyone on class distinctions, and if they could stop jumping to conclusions about me and my family based on my education, that would be great! x
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! Nobody can tell how your circumstances will change in the future so why look down on others for theirs?
DeleteI really enjoyed this post, so thank you for writing it! I come from a working class family, and when I was getting financial help during A Levels, middle class students would moan about receiving nothing. I had to explain to them that their parents could buy them a winter coat or school supplies if they needed it, but my parents couldn't. Now, though, I feel like I'm in the middle of both. I finished uni last year (first in my family) and we have a mortgage, but where we live is known as a 'rough area', my family have typical working class jobs, and because we have a mortgage, we don't have much disposable income! Although it would have been nice to have money growing up, looking back, I'm kind of glad we didn't. I don't expect to be handed anything, and appreciate the small things (branded groceries, for example!). I've also noticed that almost all of the 'big' bloggers/YouTubers come from money, which is a shame. I can't see it changing any time soon, either. Again, thank you for talking about this subject :)
ReplyDeleteI hate that you have to explain it to people! I had to explain that I could never call my mum to ask for financial help. There were times when I was eating two slices of bread with Marmite for my dinner because that was the only thing I could afford and there was no back up at home. People just don't get it.
DeleteI really enjoyed this post, very interesting. It's amazing to think that in this day and age, people can think like that about people just based on where they live. Nobody should be judged on their circumstances or where they live, and to think your brother's grades were determined by a postcode is absolutely madness to me.
ReplyDeleteAnywho, great post as always. I love your perspective on things :)
Needless to say, my mum was fuming about his predicted grades haha! She asked them about it but it's all computerised so the teachers can't change them depending on the pupil's work ethic or previous results. It's ridiculous!
DeleteThis is interesting. I come from a lower middle class immigrant family where my mum was a widow at the time of my schooling and I understood why I got less EMA than others. Complained about it once but then was shut up by a friend and quite rightly too. I was ordered to get a weekend job at 17 and slogged away working in crappy part time minimum wage jobs up until I finished uni and then wasn't successful in the job market so I continued those jobs until recently (nearly 10 years now). Recently my mum died and she had bought the house for us so we wouldn't have to pay more than bills and tax. She used up all of her savings so I am safe and secure and snug in the suburbs in a semi detached, VERY LUCKY ME, not complaining in the least. What does annoy me is people assuming that I'm rich because of it but that is so far from the truth, it was her life savings and I'm actually living on her life insurance at the moment, having been made redundant and deciding on my next move.Yet I feel slightly stuck in the middle with the other middle class people not working the way I did, having enough money to go out every night of the week and the working class people not having enough for anything. I am firmly considered middle class with my posh accent that was trained into me as my parents wanted me to be English but sometimes not all middle class people have it all. I have scrimped and saved almost all of my life and considered below quite a few middle class people who see my charity shop threads as ridiculous but I'm far too posh for the working class. That was a ramble of whatever but I hope you don't mind me expressing it. Am I showing too much privilege?
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your mum but it sounds like she did everything to secure you a strong future so she must have been a wonderful woman. I nearly added a sentence to the part where my uni lecturer said kids from a council home don't have as good a quality of life as those who own their houses. When she said that, my friend's mum had just died and left her the house. She had her own house, mortgage-free whereas I lived in a council house. I thought it was awful that she would assume own house= perfect life. Obviously my friend was going through a really difficult time and her quality of life was far from great at that point.
DeleteGoing off on a tangent here in terms of immigration- I have SO much respect for people who move to the UK and do everything they can to give their child a strong quality of life. I don't know what your mum's circumstances were but at work I often see parents move to the UK so they can give their children a better life than they had. These children tend to work harder and have more ambition than those from a British background so the negativity surrounding immigration riles me up!
I've gone off on a massive essay here now but basically it sounds like your mum was a wonderful person.
She was, ty <3 and she worked 3 jobs to get that money to buy that house and wanted everything for us and made us work for it to know that things cost money so I feel like we did get some of this grounding. Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble
DeleteBrilliant post Becky. I think people are so quick to judge based on background and area in particular!
ReplyDeleteI am from a town which was voted one of the 'Worst Places to Live' in the UK and I'm proud. Whenever someone asks where I'm from and I tell them 'Middlesbrough', they always respond with an 'ooooh'. When I uploaded my first YouTube video I got the response 'I never knew you were so common' in regards to my accent!
Like you, I learned so much growing up in different circumstances to my peers. I value money & appreciate being able to manage it appropriately as I never had the opportunity to rely on my parents. They encouraged me to get out there & make something of myself.
Really, really loved this. xo
I read a newspaper article recently where my area was labelled one of the unhappiest places to live. It's ironic because Hampshire and Surrey are, generally speaking, very middle class areas so where I live, on the borders between the two counties, it's really expensive, even though my town is basically three council estates surrounding an Asda. Whenever I say I live in the Hampshire/ Surrey area, I get people saying things like "Ooh, very nice" and it's like... yeah, really not.
Delete*shakes fists at idiotic people* I hate that class is still an issue, that living in a council estate is frowned upon, and dreams dashed at every corner just because of your postcode? It's bloody ridiculous! I hope your brother gets all As and shows them all! xx
ReplyDeleteWhen he's playing for England and buys us all mansions, he can go back to school and laugh in their faces!
DeleteI so relate to this!!! I was forever a joke to my friends because not only was I a council estate child, but I was also from a village where my family had lived for 100's of years... To them that read 'inbred' and I never lived it down!
ReplyDeleteMy parents split up when I was doing my GCSE's and my mum had to have help from the school to buy fabrics for my GCSE Textiles. I even had someone in my class go so far as to say that if I couldn't afford the materials then I shouldn't be able to take the subject... That REALLY hurt!
I've never understood what's wrong with staying in the same town. I never want to live anywhere other than my hometown. Nothing wrong with pride in where you've come from!
DeleteThis is such an important post. At times I feel embarrassed or even guilty for being on disability benefits. Like I'm worried how people will judge me and even though I've been assessed for those benefits and I know I am entitled to them, I still have those who've said to me "You could work if you really wanted to" ringing in my ears. When I know most of these people don't actually know what they're talking about. It's like they've decided anyone on benefits are automatically scroungers.
ReplyDeleteAlso, my aunt is a teacher and she often gets frustrated with her colleagues due to their lack of understanding and such towards the working class parents and their children and their attitude towards them. My grand parents were poor and still my aunt went on to become a teacher. Just like everyone of her colleagues. My aunt would say she feels more comfortable with the cleaners and school caretaker than the other teachers because of this. Which I just think is very sad.
Sara Bloo xo
bloonstuff.com
Oh, bless you! Never feel guilty for it- you're not scrounging and if you're eligible for them, there's no way you could work. I can't believe people would even say that to you!
DeleteI got on really well with my cleaner (at work, not from my house- I definitely don't have a cleaner at home haha!) who had moved from Poland. Her mum was a cleaner and had died at work with the hoover in her hand. My friend was determined to have a better life and is now a teaching assistant at the same school. I'm really proud of her and it proves that your background doesn't determine your future.
Oh Becky, this is the best post. I go to a school where the majority of students are very well off (bank of mum and dad) so it's been... interesting growing up alongside them. We can afford to live comfortably but the stark difference between my family and the families of my fellow students has made me feel inferior a lot of times. This post is so important because it provides a great perspective that people from many different backgrounds can read. I too have developed the drive to achieve & do my best because I don't have a rich family to rely on. That's not to say my middle class peers don't have determination, of course - I wouldn't rubber band anyone into a particular group just because of how they've grown up. On a whole bunch of occasions my teachers have (unintentionally, of course) just expected that I'd have the money to pay for various things which has been horribly uncomfortable. I'd love to be able to change the stigma around saying, "I can't afford that."
ReplyDeleteI notice a lot of the same thing in the blogging community. I do however love being able to see people from a similar background to me succeed and I love that we can create something for ourselves through our blogs, regardless of class.
On an unrelated note, I flipping love that photo of you! <3
Totally agree- blogging is open to anyone and we can all succeed through it. It puts us on a more level playing field (even if we can't all afford to buy MAC lipsticks and Diptyque candles at 15!!)
DeleteThanks for the comment on my photo haha. It's my generic ranty post photo!
I know what you mean about the EMA. I wouldn't 'class' myself as working nor middle class (and certainly not upper!!) but I was in that rubbish section where I couldn't get enough loan to cover rent, bills, food and hundreds of pounds work of law textbooks a year and my parents couldn't afford to give me money as they had a one year old. Although I despise students with plenty of money moaning that they don't have even more, I think student loans should take into account extra circumstances with the perfect example of having a small child in the home as it has a lot of extra money going towards it. If there was reform there it could possibly change opinions in the future.
ReplyDeleteI can't stand it when people judge via classes, I chose to do a module on Marxism in both uni and A-Level and it was so interesting to research.
I can't say I have been judged in the same way but my best friend has and I'm constantly trying to educate people that not all people on Benefits are scroungers!
Sorry that you've had a negative experience Becky.
Laura x
If you don't mind, I'd like to blog a reply to this at some point. I did write about class a while back but I think an update is deffo due.
ReplyDeleteUntil I was 6 it was me and my mum on a council estate together. Then she remarried and we lived very humbly until my Grandad died and we were able to live quite a bit better (from the money he left - I honestly think that people dying and leaving money is the way people get by these days). However, I speak "proper" and it's not obvious that I had this kind of upbringing. Looks can be deceiving. At uni in Liverpool I was (yeah I'm going to say it) bullied pretty badly for being seen as a middle class person. I would get shouted down in class, and people who were friends with me had the piss taken out of them.
Class is a terrible thing in the UK. I really wish we didn't have it.
This is a great post! I grew up in a rough area and was very working class as my mum was a student and my dad a builder and so I never had money to get fancy makeup and got a job as soon as I could. I used to hate it that my friends thought of me of the "rough" one and I even had friends not being allowed to stop over at my house because of it, which hurt! Now, I'm totally the same as you. I think it's made me stronger and makes me fully appreciate what I make and the life I have. My mum and dad have done everything to support me and my brother and I think seeing them struggle made me appreciate them even more. I think even if I ended up a millionaire, I would always make my kids appreciate working and realise the value of money.
ReplyDeleteThe main reason I didn't go to uni was because I couldn't afford it without working around 30 hours a week and I'm happy now for going through the apprenticeship route. My current boyfriend is from a very well off family and has everything handed to him, but he doesn't judge when he comes to my house or when I say I can't afford to go out & I'm glad that he's so understanding. I love this post & I get so wound up when I see young girls doing "Mac hauls" with like £200 pounds worth of stuff and I can't even afford a Mac lippie!! But, I'd rather make some cut backs so I can save a little bit of money and be able to treat myself and know that I've worked hard to get that. It's the little things :)
prettymadthings.blogspot.co.uk // xx
I'm glad you posted this! Definitely interesting to read, and to see the comments!
ReplyDeleteI think the problem in schools (or seemed to be from my experience/area) is that the children on free school meals or from council estates are already 'tarnished' with a certain image. I don't believe that everyone got the same chance in school when I was there, and that's not fair at all. If you don't give that child their equal chance, then they probably will struggle.
Student finance really bothered me though. With my loan, I got just enough to cover my accommodation,and barely anything else. In my last year I had £100 less than what my accommodation was. My parents couldn't just give me the extra to make up for the maintenance grant I didn't get, and I never expected them to. Like I understand that my parents could have given me £20 every now and then for my shopping and I'm super grateful to have that there, but if they'd given me regular money each month (i'm talking like the equivalent to the full grant - seems to work out to around £300 a month), they would have been struggling themselves. I had to get a part time job just to feed myself. Actually myself and someone else in my flat finished uni in our overdrafts (whilst working), and another who got the full loan/grant had £2k saved up without working. How can that even happen?!
This seems like a really controversial subject but not everyone from a middle-class background gets everything handed to them. It's not always black/white. I don't like being put into that category, because I've had part time jobs and worked for my money alongside studying since I was 17 xD
Sorry, sounds like a bit of a rant there. I don't blame anyone but the government. I mean, they're not even helping the people who really need help with living/housing costs (university aside) so I shouldn't expect anything should I?
This.post.so.much!
ReplyDeleteI totally get what you mean about the bigger names out there who seem to come from money. Watching / reading earlier posts and they're spending so much on what we'd all want to splash our cash on, as well as their houses,they are huge! Completely different to my upbringing.
I still live on a council estate. I have absolutely no shame in it. The only time I ever felt ashamed was when I was dating a guy from Portsmouth a million years ago, I was young and he was from a well off family and you could see in his face the disgust when he arrived in my street, which compared to where he lived is rough. However, inside the house is a decent size and clean - most important in my opinion, but seeing his reaction it was like 'oh my frogs let the ground swallow me now, why don't I live in a nice posh house?!' ... I soon realised he was the prat.
Growing up working class does make you see the world differently, for example even when I was in a full time job I still couldn't part with £20 for a lipstick because I just thought 'that could get this much food shopping, or could put that on the eleccie for the week' ... too much in the real world but thankful to have grown up the way I have, so now I am an adult I have my priorities right and not spending left right and centre and not thinking of bills etc first. It would be great to just splash the cash and not think about it but I think growing up with little money and having to wait and save up for something you wanted, has made me more prepared for adulthood. Does that make sense?!
Juyey. Xx
Loved this post! I really hated those "tests" that predicted your GCSE and A Level grades... they were so disheartening for me at the time. I was predicted D's and E's for GCSEs and A Levels from that test due to my postcode (I actually got 15 A*-C grades at GCSE and 5 A-C's at A level...) and I remember having to have a follow-up discussion with our form tutor to discuss our predicted grades and mine saying that he hoped I would do better than D's and E's, but that C's and B's would be a good start for me.. I found it so offensive (especially as my practice exams I had previously I had done well on). It actually infuriates me now thinking back to it! If this type of malarky happens when I eventually have children, I really hope I have the guts to make complaints to the school.
ReplyDeleteLizzy from Nomad Notebook
You know, you're probably the first blogger I've read who has spoken about class. I've noticed that the top bloggers are as you say "nice, well-spoken, middle class girls" - which is awesome for them, but makes it very hard for a person like me, absolutely none of the above, to relate to them.
ReplyDeleteI was told by my English teacher that I wouldn't get into university and looking back at it, I think it was because I am working class. I only noticed this after he said this to other people as well, but not to the people who were considered middle class. Sucky. I got a 2:1, so boo him.
"Not even in the en suite" What?! Hahahaha. Omg.
I definitely understand about not wanting your future children to have the experiences you did growing up. I feel like the experiences we have shape us, and it's particularly harder when you *are* working class. At the same time, you can always bring awareness to your future children :)
Love this post!