Why I didn't change my name after marrying

Even in 2015, people seem to find it strange that I can be married and have a name different to my husband. They already struggle with the fact that my name is not Rebecca, so add a married Miss in there and it blows their minds! There are several reasons why I didn't change my name, and some of them are probably not what you'd expect.

My name is ME

It's going to be very difficult to write this post without revealing my surname! My last name is ugly, harsh and, despite being only one syllable, apparently impossible to spell. I also find it can be quite difficult to say sometimes as the ck in Becky is quickly followed by a Cr sound. Maybe it's just me but I get easily tongue-tied! However, despite all of this, it's my name. I've had the same name for 26 years and I attach so much of my identity to it. The thought of changing it just baffles me! Besides, I love my stupid, ugly name! It's very unusual and I've never met anyone outside of family with the same name. In fact, there are apparently less than 2500 people with it in the UK so that's pretty cool!

My career

Admittedly, I don't have the kind of career where I need to keep the same name for recognition and clients but my grandma was a teacher and it was she who inspired me to go into teaching. Having the same name as her is like my tribute to the woman who has inspired me so much in life.

I'm lazy

I probably shouldn't be admitting this but it's so much hassle! In England- I'm not sure about the rest of the UK- you can change your name automatically after marriage if you take your husband's name as is tradition. You also don't need a deed poll if you double-barrell the two surnames, which was our initial plan, but some organisations won't accept this unless you have a new passport. Of course, sending off for two new passports is expensive (especially when Rich just got his a couple of years ago) and a hassle in itself! Because of this, it's often recommended to change your name by deed poll just to make things easier. Then I'd have to change my name with the bank, the DVLA, HMRC, DBS... It's just so much more simple if I keep my silly, ugly name!

I'm sure some people expected this to be a feminist issue but nope. I have absolutely no problem with women taking their husband's name. It just wasn't for me. My name may be ugly, but it's mine! Maybe one day, it will be easier to accept that a Mr and Miss can also be married!

Marrying for under £3000

When we originally started planning our wedding, I (and I deliberately use first person because Rich had no say on it) decided on a budget of £20k. We had 5 years to save so I had it all figured out. Of course, it turned out that £20k was a lot of money so we didn't spend anywhere near that in the end. Marrying in Florida comes with its own costs, such as flights, accommodation and all that, which obviously pushed our budget up but we still managed to marry for around £9000.  Had we stayed put in the UK, and had a simple registry office ceremony, we would have kept it under £3000.

I know a lot of people think it's impossible to have a quality wedding for such a small amount, so I want to show you how we did it. I know our marriage was a lot more informal than most people would like, but this advice can still apply for a traditional service.

Ceremony
It costs approximately £300 to marry in a room seating 50 people at a registry office. Some offices are really very beautiful, so it's worth investigating to find an attractive venue.

Dress

My dress was bought from Boohoo, but I bought an overskirt on Etsy to give it a more bridal feel. There are many stunning, custom-made dresses on Etsy that are more traditional for under £200, and you can also buy a veil and tiara for less than £50. My Rainbow Club shoes were bought on eBay, unworn, for £20.

Groom's Attire
We bought Rich's outfit from Primark for approximately £40. Yes, it was very informal, but you can buy suits for less than £50. I know it's Primark but it looks fine. 

Wedding party

All of my bridesmaid dresses were bought from Boohoo and Missguided. They looked beautiful and I spent a total of £60 on them. The girls wore their own shoes and accessories so there were no extra costs there. 

Rings

My ring was reshaped from my Grandma's ring and Rich bought a simple palladium band. In total we spent £200. 

Flowers

My bouquet, corsages and buttonholes were all made by Rich and I using card, book pages and ribbons. Including the flower punch, garden wire, book, pearl beads and charm, we paid £20. For our ceremony, we popped to Tesco the evening before and bought 3 bouquets of roses for £9.

Catering

We spoke to a very nice pub that served delicious food and asked whether they would host a meal for 35 people. They were very accommodating, and the 2-course meal with a drink came to £400. They were also happy for us to continue our party there, including our own music, for no extra charge, but we needed somewhere larger. For the evening reception, we again went to Tesco and spent around £70 on picnic food. 

Reception

To our amazement, we managed to find a gorgeous venue that was only £600 for 8 hours. We also had to hire tablecloths and we splashed out on hiring some nicer chairs, which pushed our total cost up to around £800. 

Cake

About 5 years ago, I saw a cake that was made up entirely of mini pavlovas. This idea didn't leave me, so on the day of our reception, Rich, my brother, and two friends worked as a team to make strawberry pavlovas using meringue nests and cream for 80 that cost £20.

Decoration

Our reception decor was kept simple. We paid around £20 on vintage hardcover books, £10 on ribbon and saved all the glass bottles we used. Factoring in little additions like bunting, cake stands and cute knitted dolls, our total came to around £50.

Gifts
I even managed to buy my bridesmaids gifts for £10 in all. They were little doll keyrings that I bought at Reading Festival, but each one was chosen carefully to reflect the recipients' interests: Marie had Harlequin, Leona a Toy Story alien, and Laura Dumbledore. Although I plan to buy them another present in the future, they all loved their gifts and it proved that you don't need to splash out.

Do it yourself

Anything we could do ourselves, we did. My bridesmaids pulled together on hair and make up, photography was taken by a mixture of myself, our friends and my teenage brother, and we created a musical playlist that we played on our own laptop and speakers. Our venues were a 5 minute walk from each other and we stayed in a hotel opposite the pub so no transport was necessary. I'm not including the hotel in the costing as it wasn't an essential, but more of a luxury.

Adding up these totals, you can see that the total is £2259, allowing for a buffer of over £700 for additional expenses that may sneak up on you. 

What do you know? A wedding for under £3000! Of course everybody is different, have varying priorities and budgets, but it's still very possible to marry for just a few thousand pounds. Don't panic and think you need to spend a fortune. I'm proof that you don't! 

What I learned from our wedding

Am I dragging out this whole wedding business too much yet? Only a couple more posts to go, I promise! Even though we didn't have a traditional wedding (posts here and here for new readers), it still caused me a huge amount of stress but I realised that all the things causing me that stress didn't really matter. I know what it's like planning a wedding and I wish I'd had someone on board to talk me down. So if you're in that situation at the moment, allow me to tell you what I learned.

Don't sweat the small stuff

This is a big one! As well as all the numerous other little things that freaked me out, when we turned up at the venue we discovered that our chair hire company had sent over cheap black chairs instead of the pretty white ones we'd ordered. I was really upset but, you know what? Nobody noticed. In fact, I completely forgot about it once everyone arrived and in the end we got our money back from the chair hire company because of their mistake. So it was all fine in the end! 

You don't need a big guest list

Our wedding was small with around 30 people for the meal and 60 for the evening. As I'm quite an introverted person, I have a small close-knit circle of friends. Of course, I am friendly with lots of people and I have work colleagues, university friends, school friends and all the rest but I decided early on that I was only going to invite the people I really loved. If I started getting into inviting colleagues, for example, I'd have to invite them all and suddenly it would be a very expensive event. I did have some worries about a small do feeling flat and awkward but everybody enjoyed themselves, even if there wasn't a jam-packed dancefloor.

DIY and scrimp wherever you can

I have a post coming up on how we saved money so I won't go into too much detail here but save wherever you can. We bought our flowers from Tesco the night before. It cost £9 to decorate the entire venue and it looked so cute. Rich and some friends/family made the cake during the reception. It was absolutely delicious and cost about 15p per head. When you and your guests get home, you won't be thinking "I wish I'd spent more on the flowers", so why pay more?

People will make an effort to get on

Note: I'm not talking about these girls in the next paragraph. It's just a nice photo to show people getting on. 
I was so worried about people clashing but everybody was respectful and mature about it. Nobody threw a drink over their rival Peggy-Mitchell-style. Nobody argued. Nobody whinged. They all appreciated the day for what it was- a happy celebration. 

Do it your way

This is what I'm most proud of. Watching programmes like Don't Tell The Bride in the run up to our wedding, I worried that I would regret not having a traditional wedding with a big white wedding dress. Did I? Hell no! Our wedding was perfect. I love the photo of us in our wedding gear on the rollercoaster. I love the look on people's faces when I tell we married at Hogwarts. I love how "us" it was. 

I'd love to hear advice from other married couples: What did you learn from your wedding? 

How to marry in Florida

I recently married in Orlando, Florida and I was absolutely amazed by how easy the whole situation was. Beforehand, I was a bit worried about all the legalities as I didn't really know what to expect so it was a huge relief to find the process was so simple. I know a few other bloggers who are planning to marry in Florida, so I've written a post based on my experiences as a UK citizen marrying in Florida.

Important note: I am not a lawyer and this is written from my own experience. Please do check with the County Clerk of Court before making travel plans, especially if it's been a while since September 2014 when this post was written. You can email most of them so it's easy to check out your plans. 

You will need:

• Each of your passports
• Officiant certificates/ letter of good standing if you're taking your own minister
• $93.50 (£58)

Who can marry you?
In Florida, anybody can marry you so long as they are ordained by an official member of the clergy, notary public or justice of the peace. This sounds pretty complicated but what it means is they need to be an ordained member of a church. Yes, this includes the Universal Life Church, which is the famed online church where anybody can get ordained for free, regardless of your beliefs. Although we weren't asked for proof of our officiant's credentials, I would strongly recommend you buy a certificate of ordination or a letter of good standing, (which are $5- $20 (£4-£13) if you get ordained via the Universal Life Church) so you can prove your officiant's legitimacy if needed.
Where can you get married?
More or less anywhere. In Florida, it's the person who is licensed, rather than the venue. Of course, use your discretion and I recommend checking beforehand if you're marrying on somebody else's property, such as a theme park. However, I do have to be honest and confess that we married at Universal Studios without permission and everything was fine!

How do I get a marriage license?
To marry in Florida, you need a marriage license. This is really, really easy to obtain for two marrying UK citizens. Although you can apply online, we chose to go in person when we arrived. We headed to the Orange County Clerk on North Orange Avenue (don't let your driver drop you off at City Hall instead or you'll have to walk the nine blocks to the right place!). 

When you get to the court, you will need to walk through a security screening similar to the airport. Your bags will be searched, and you're not allowed to take in aerosols or sharp objects, and you'll also have to walk through a metal detector. 

Once you get through security, head to the Passports and Marriage Department. There are marriage license forms available next to the door (just ask a member of staff if you can't find them) and fill it out. You'll need to include your full name, date of birth, address and passport number. Once you've signed it, you'll be called over to a desk to complete the process.

At the desk, the member of staff will check all your details and your passports. You'll need to sign a declaration that all information is true and then raise your hand as you swear it's all correct to the best of your knowledge. Once you've paid $93.50 (£58), the staff member will provide you with your marriage license.

What is the marriage license?
Your marriage license will be an A4 sheet within a self addressed envelope, which will have your details on, as well as both of your signatures and the signature of the staff member who has issued the license. At the bottom is your certificate of marriage, which needs to be filled in after the ceremony.

Getting married
Once you have your license, you can marry any time within 60 days. The ceremony is completely up to you. There are rumours that your ceremony must include the "do you?" "I do" section but I found no mention of this in the law guidance. We did it anyway as it's a key part of the ceremony but if you are dead set against it, check with the official when you apply for your marriage license. Witnesses are not required, although there is a space for them to sign the marriage certificate if you so wish.

After the wedding
Once the ceremony has taken place, the officiant needs to sign the wedding certificate in black ink. They also need to include the date and location of the marriage (this can be as simple as just naming the city) as well as their address. If you have chosen to have witnesses, they can sign the certificate too but don't need to include their name or address. 

Once the certificate's all signed, just send it back to the court using the envelope they provided. You don't need to go back to the court or do anything other than pop the certificate in the post. When they receive it, they'll stamp it, sign it and send a copy to the home address you provided. 

That's it! It's done. You don't need to register it back home, although the English registrar I spoke to suggested getting a few extra copies of your marriage certificate as they can be harder to obtain later. She explained that as long as your wedding is legal at the location you wed, it's legal in the UK. 

It's that simple! I was amazed by how quick and easy the process was. If you have any questions, ask away and I'll do my best to answer. Although, as I said before, the best person to ask is the court themselves. 

England Wedding

On the morning of our English wedding, my beautiful bridesmaids (Marie, Leona and Laura) came to get ready with me, along with Chelsea and Marie's mum Grace, who had very sweetly made a whole load of cupcakes for the reception. 

As always, time seemed to be slipping away from me but, somehow, we managed to get ready perfectly on time and meet our guests at the pub where we had our meal. The food- a calamari starter followed by chicken roast dinner- went down really well and, after we'd all eaten, we headed down Winchester High Street to the Guildhall.

While I was getting ready, Rich and Matt had decorated the venue completely by themselves and they did such a good job. They'd hung bunting flags between the arches, sprinkled confetti on the tables and created adorable centrepieces. I could not have been prouder of them! Unfortunately, in all the hubbub, I didn't get a photo of the room before everybody came along, but this phone photo gives you a little idea of what it looked like. I had a minor meltdown over the chairs, which were supposed to be white, but once everyone was sitting down, we didn't even notice. 

While everyone arrived, Rich, Matt and Laura disappeared into a side room with my brother Jamie, who has a food and catering background, to make up our mini pavlova wedding cake. It was delicious! 

After a little while, we headed to the cathedral to take some more formal photos. 

This is one of my favourite photos because of the photobombers behind us. 

After taking the photos, we headed back to the venue for our first dance to The Beatles' When I'm Sixty Four.

Most people stayed sitting down and chatting. My family are pretty spread out so they don't often see each other and I think they appreciated the opportunity to catch up, rather than burning up the dance floor. It was ok though- My girls more than filled the floor with their funky moves!

It was really difficult talking to everybody. I have a huge, complicated family so I was whizzing around trying to speak to everyone, which I didn't quite manage.

There was a very posh, snooty wedding reception taking place in the huge hall upstairs. For a while I'd been wondering whether I would one day regret not having a full-on, traditional wedding. With the guests from upstairs walking past our room and looking down their noses while we blared Baby Got Back, I was hit with the realisation that our wedding was absolutely perfect. It may be tacky to talk about money, but our wedding reception cost under £2000, including room hire, catering for 40 and decorations. When we were packing up, I realised that, had I spent £30,000, the day would have been the same length of time and I would still end up going back home with my husband the next day. I can't imagine how anti-climactic it would have felt the next day if I had spent my entire life savings. 

Everybody seemed to enjoy themselves. At least, they were too polite to tell us if they didn't! Afterwards, Laura and Matt stayed behind to help us clear up and we headed to our hotels. We met up the next morning, as well as Jamie and his girlfriend Lauren, to hang out in Winchester before heading home in the evening. It was so amazing to celebrate our wedding with all our family and friends in one place.

Florida Harry Potter Wedding

I've now been married for almost a month, so I think it's high time I shared my wedding photos. Those of you who have been following a while will know that we had two weddings: The actual wedding ceremony at Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Florida with two close friends, and a wedding reception back home in England a couple of weeks later. 

Our wedding day started with a trip to Walgreens, followed by lounging on the bed watching Shark Week. Not quite your usual wedding morning! That up there is Matt, Rich's best man and Bob the Shark. 

Since it was Florida in August, we'd checked the weather forecast and saw it was going to rain around 5, so decided to hold the ceremony at 4. At 2, Rich and Matt headed off so us girls could get ready. As I was doing so, Laura was in charge of the camera and snapping candid shots.

Yep, this is my eyeliner face! For my make up, I chose to stick with my usual routine (Benefit Hello Flawless foundation, MAC Studio Sculpt concealer, Topshop cream blush in Prime Time and my new CoverGirl eyeliner pen) with MAC's Pretty Please lipstick. 

Once my face was on, Laura and I worked as a team to create a hairstyle that would stay smooth and sleek even with the Floridian humidity. Halfway through, I looked like a happy porcupine. 

Before we left, I wrote my vows on special Hogwarts paper. I'm nothing if not last minute! It was so difficult to write them but once I got started, I ended up writing a whole sheet.

Unsurprisingly, we were running late, so we decided to get a taxi. I had originally wanted to get the trolley, because I loved the idea of travelling to my wedding on public transport, but we were conscious of the forecast rain. 

Finally we got there, and I was shaking in my Converse! We hadn't actually asked for permission to marry there, so I was terrified that we would be thrown out mid-ceremony, and I was suddenly very conscious of everybody watching me. We'd decided to hold the ceremony in the garden of the Three Broomsticks as it was quiet, away from staff and has a wonderful view of Hogwarts. Unfortunately, the day we married was the day that the garden was filled with people. Laura had to coax me around the corner to walk up to Rich, to the sounds of Potter Waltz.

I was trembling during the ceremony. It seemed as though everybody had gone quiet and all eyes were on us. I couldn't look up as I was so anxious- Instead I stared at the buttons on Rich's shirt. After we'd said our vows, neither of which I remember, I said to Laura "There's no staff here, is there?" to which she replied "Yes there is... but it's ok, she's smiling". That just made me even more nervous. Any moment now, she was going to tap us on the shoulder and ask us to leave.

We'd decided to make Fluffy and George our ringbearers, using yellow ribbons because they would both be in Hufflepuff if they were alive. And human. And wizards. (What do you mean, you don't sort your cuddly toys?) I was so worried that the rings wouldn't go on due to our fingers swelling in the heat but luckily they slid right on. Rich was amazed by how much I was shaking.

After what felt like forever, Laura pronounced us husband and wife, and declared "You may now kiss the hippo-slash-manatee creature" (That's me and don't worry, it's an injoke. She's not just really rude!) Everybody in the garden applauded as we kissed, which was very sweet. Matt filmed the ceremony for us and I was shocked afterwards to discover that it was only 3 minutes long. 

As we were signing the register, the door to the Three Broomsticks opened and five members of staff came out. My heart sank as I realised we were going to be chucked out of the park. Then, to my astonishment, they revealed a tray with four frozen Butterbeers! I could not have been more grateful for their hospitality. 

All the staff were so friendly and seemed really pleased to be a part of our day. One of the women even took some photos for us, and a couple of staff couldn't resist getting involved!

What stars! 

My wedding dress wasn't exactly traditional, but it was certainly very me! I needed something practical, since I knew we would be going on rides, and this is pretty much just an extension of my everyday style. You can see from my OOTDs that I tend to wear fitted tops with skater skirts. I'm not an elegant, strapless lace bridal gown kind of girl! I chose a mint green tutu, not only because it's one of my favourite colours, but also as a subtle hint towards the Harry Potter theme: I would be in Slytherin. After a last minute nightmare with the original person I intended to buy my tutu through, Dark Pony Designs came to my rescue. Robyn rushed through my order and it arrived the day before we flew out to Florida. Perfect timing! My lace top is actually a Boohoo skater dress, as I figured I could whip off the tutu if it was too much hassle on the rides. Since I can't walk in high heels at all, I wasn't about to start now. These Converse-style shoes from Rainbow Club were actually bought brand new on eBay about 4 years ago, just waiting for my eventual wedding day. 

Unfortunately, I didn't get a clear photo of the back of my dress on either wedding day, but Laura did take this quick snap when we were about to leave the hotel. That girl is a whizz with bows! And, yep, a shark is trying to eat me. 

My bouquet was a joint effort between Rich and I. Made from coloured card and pages of Harry Potter, I chose yellow and green to represent our two houses (although Rich later decided he'd rather be a Ravenclaw!). At the last minute, I thought of putting little pearls in the centre of the flowers, which was a touch I'm really proud of. I also made yellow Hufflepuff buttonholes for the boys and a red and gold corsage for Laura, since she's Gryffindor. In the first photo of this post, you can see that I took Snape's "always" quote and put it inside a heart-shaped locket, complete with B and R charms. 

When the register had been signed, photos had been taken and Butterbeer drunk, we headed to Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey for our official wedding photograph. 

Although it was unconventional, and a lot of people doubt the legality (I promise it was legal!), it was absolutely us: Quirky, informal and a lot of fun. I am so proud of ourselves for pulling it off!