Diaries behind-the-scenes: The Rich years

This is my last ever diary post! It's gone as far as it can now which makes me really sad, although I might do a little diary-reading series on YouTube  (if I ever get a move on with that!). When I looked through the back of these final three diaries, it turned out I was an emo kid for a lot longer than I thought! I'm calling these the Rich years, even though the first two diaries were pre-Rich.

Cupcake (15th February 2007- 4th December 2007)

I had a dream about cheesecake and felt the need to record it in detail.

Cute little doodle. I like this. 

Jack December (18th August 2007- 28th April 2008)

More quotes and song lyrics. Yes, Leona, that's Paramore. Are you proud of me?

I have absolutely no idea what this is but I quite like it, even if it is horrendously pretentious!

I've Googled this but it's not given me any hints as to what it is. Perhaps it's something I wrote myself. 

Angry scribbling. This was pre-Rich, when I was with a boyfriend who made me feel pretty bad.

Severus (24th August 2010- 5th July 2011)

More quotes and lyrics. Motion City Soundtrack, this time. 

A list of injokes I have with one of my best friends, Laura.

I tried to list every band I'd ever seen. I don't think I managed it!

This is the end of a poem I wrote. The deliberation over the full stop was a big deal.

In summer 2011, I went through a pretty major Taking Back Sunday kick. I was pretty much writing their lyrics everywhere.

And that's it. All done. I feel sad now!

Diaries behind-the-scenes: The Emo Years

Yay! Time for the emo years! This is going to be a pretty long post but, boy, it's a treat! For reference, this is what I looked like at the time:

Billie-Jo (December 2004- March 2005)

Sorry, Piglet and Eeyore! 

Marnie (March 2005)

2005 was an amazing year! Can we go back to this please?

Wow, I really do sound like a cool rocker!

Gerard (April- July 2005)

Casual Papa Roach lyrics. And does that say "Revise Against"? What's that all about? Is that genuinely what I thought they were called or is it some sort of long-forgotten joke?

I was obsessed with the concept of revenge, as you'll soon see. It looks like I kept a record of vengeance quotes. Slightly weird. 

Frankie (July- September 2005)

Get ready for this, guys. This was the apex of my emo years!

Food-related band name puns. I don't know.

Just illustrating My Chemical Romance songs. Blood-dripping fangs and staked hearts. Standard.

I love this! A record of what I spent in one month. Piercings, Kerrang, phone credit and candy floss. There's nothing more emo than candy floss! 

Oh my goodness, this is embarrassing!

Oh wait,  here's a poem I wrote. Yes, that says "The cavern where I hide myself". Oh dear!

Dead flowers and razor blading hearts. And eyes. Lots of eyes.

My Chemical Romance lyrics and more eyes. This one is crying. It's so hard being emo, you guys!

More crying eyes and look! I'm so emo, I have to label my diaries with the word! 

Have I mentioned the fact that I'm emo yet? Wait, is that another crying eye at the top?

Dear 17 year old Becky: Stop drawing tears and sort your life out! 

"I haven't tears enough"? I'd argue otherwise.

Vote My Chemical Romance!

I don't know if I've mentioned it yet, but I was an emo goddess!

Bertie (September- December 2005)

Still obsessing over the average grades, as I did with my GCSEs. Also nice to see that my EMA was being spent productively (The Adge is a rock club). 

Ville Valo (December 2005- April 2006)

Still drawing tears, Becky? Really?

This is when I thought I liked Him. 

Jepha (April- June 2006)

We're making progress: That eye isn't crying! Now we just need to get over the whole revenge thing.

Well this doesn't look like angry scribbling at all. 

Wednesday (November 2006- February 2007)

I have absolutely no idea what this is about. 

Diaries behind-the-scenes: Early years

Now that I've shown you a peek into every one of my diaries (bar the current one, which is just too recent to allow access to!), I've reached the end of my diary series. However, as I constantly carried my diaries around with me, I used to use the back of each one as a kind of notebook. I'd jot down any important information or thoughts that came to me. Basically, anything I wanted to remember. As an epilogue to my diary series, I thought I'd show you some of these notes.

I've divided my diaries into three sections: Early years, emo years and Rich years. Just wait for the emo years next month- You're going to be seeing some pretty special song lyrics I made up!

Cally (March 1999- April 2002)

In my very first diary, I didn't really use the back of it as a notebook. I seem to have mainly used it for testing pens as there's scribbles galore. However, in the right corner, it does say www.RBLover@Genie.co.uk. Clearly I didn't know how email addresses worked! I can only assume that this was my best friend's address as her boyfriend at the time had the initials RB.

There's also lots of practises of what is now my signature (obviously from the time I decided to change it), and the name Katie Bale- What would have been my friend's name if she had married RB- written twice in my own handwriting. What's up with that?

Emma-Rae (April 2002- January 2003)

The lyrics to Tale as Old as Time, along with a seriously questionable cartoon doodle of a face.

Two huge wishlists, including (amongst others) a Burberry bag and purse, Gareth Gates poster (preferably signed!), Tommy Girl perfume, 'Pop idol: A star is born' video, small buddha statue and pot of Vaseline.

Tallulah (January- June 2003)
In this diary, and the next one, I seem to think my name is Becki. Who knows what that's all about? 

I have these statistics from my GCSE mocks written in the back, which includes:

English paper 1- C+
             paper 2- A
             Overall- B (Highest in class)
Graphics- B (Highest in class?)

What were they teaching in my school for a B to be the highest result in the top English set?

It also says 34B= 5/03. 34C= 12/03. You know, just in case you wanted to know my bra size through the ages.

Esmée-Lola (June- August 2003)

30th November
Doozyfish
321572sto

(Nope, I have no idea what that is!)

A whole bunch of letters. Perhaps a code? Including:
PPGNHWWWCX
XCRZWBPZTF
GMJFFHFMXBZ

If you have any idea what they might be, let me know.

Francie (April- June 2004)

A whole bunch of usernames and passwords (neither of which are my passwords these days so there's no point trying them!). There's also a mock up of my art GCSE and a little reference to my then-boyfriend's name which gave me quite the shock when I saw it. He wasn't a very nice person, as it turned out. 

Lily-Marie (June- August 2004)

Nothing except this in massive letters. No idea who "she" is or who I was talking to.

Diaries February 2007- April 2008

Ok, it gets a little confusing here. I lost the Jack Sparrow diary so I started another. Later, I found it and (for some reason) decided to carry on writing where I'd left off. This means I have a massive gap which is filled in a completely different diary. I was illogical as a teenager!

Cupcake (15th February 2007- 4th December 2007)

"A bit about me:
I am currently on a gap year doing nothing until I go back to study primary education in September.
I have black hair and 14 piercings- 4 in each ear, a scaffold, nose ring, nose stud and nape piercing. I am a bit emo.
My favourite bands are My Chemical Romance (who, by June, I should have seen 10 times), Aiden (seen twice) and AFI (who I'm seeing for the second time in April).
I have been with my wonderful boyfriend for about three weeks now, and it's all going peachy. Except my ex still loves me."

Sunday 21st October 2007
"We went to the school disco at the SU. Pat Sharp was there! Then we went on stage to meet him... and Par said "ooh, hello!". Took my hand, whirled me around the stage then kissed me. I asked if we could have a photo. He put his arms out to me and said "Ready when you are baby!" Slightly disturbing, seeing as I always wanted to meet him when I was 7!" 

Sunday 4th November 2007
"I never really worry about money because it always pops up when you need it. Plus, I have my emergency supply of coppers. Over £8."

Jack December (18th August 2007- 28th April 2008)

"A bit about me:
I'm nineteen years old and a nursery nurse, although I will be off to Winchester Uni in a month to study primary education.
I have really long black hair, but it is in appalling condition! I also haveemo glasses and 10 piercings which isn't actually a lot fo rme- I've had 18 at one point!
My favourite bands are My Chemical Romance (who I have seen ten times and met!), Aiden (three times? No, four) and Taking Back Sunday (three times)."

Tuesday, 18th March 2008
"Today, Myles nearly had to go to hospital (a rope in PE hit him on the head. He's fine, and is actually now singing on the toilet."

Thursday, 20th March 2008
"I have this odd deep-set knowledge. Dave [my ex (and then-ex too)] is the one for me. We're going to live together. We'll be married by 2018. It's not wishful thinking. I'm not pinning my hopes on it. It's just something I know."

Sunday, 23rd March 2008
"We went to the [rock club]. Rachel, Timmy and Rich (?) were there... Rich found me and sat with me. And out of nowhere, we were kissing.
It actually gave me goosebumps. Last week I kind of liked him. We just clicked, cheesy as that sounds."

Sunday, 19th April 2008
"Rich came to visit yesterday. It was lovely... He is so lovely and says the sweetest things. He's making me happier than I've been in a long time and, yeah, it's nice."

Diaries April 2006- February 2007

You guys are in for a treat. This period was a weird time in my life. I hit rock-bottom of angst in September 2006 and then slowly normalised. Get ready to see my transformation before your very eyes!

As always, all spelling and grammar has been left intact. 

Jepha (17th April 2006- 20th June 2006) 

"A bit about me:I'm seventeen years old and studying A-levels in 3D art, English literature, and graphic design, and a CACHE diploma in childcare. 
I have naturally brown, curly hair, but it's dyed black. I wear black emo glasses and braces. As soon as they come off (it should be by June!) I'm getting snakebites. I have my nose pierced twice, a scaffold and four ear piercings. I did have two surface piercings on my stomach, but they recently grew out. 
My favourite bands are My Chemical Romance, Aiden, AFI, The Used, Bullet for my Valentine and Funeral for a Friend. I have met MCR, Aiden, The Used's Jepha Howard and Bert McCracken (knob!), and FFAF's Gareth Davies, as well as Story of the Year.
I have been with my boyfriend Jamie who is 19, since Christmas Day 2005. We met at The Adge, the rock club where I spend every Saturday night."

Saturday 22nd April 2006
"Yesterday, me, Marie and Steph went to town. Marie got her hair cut (she's now looking very scene!)... We [went] into New Look and played 'find the scenest outfit'"
*We were extremely snobby emo kids and totally looked down on the scene kids. 

Monday 1st May 2006:
"Saturday was AMAZING! [I went to Give it a Name] I stayed at Marie's Friday night, and woke up at 5 in the morning. We got ready- I had my Gerard make up on; red smudged up to my eyebrows and down to my cheeks. We left at 6 and walked to Asda, where we brought cameras and Kerrang... Inside, we managed to get in the 5th row from the front. Earl's Court is absolutely cavernous, and holds 15,000 people so I was impressed to be so close. By the time the second band were on, I'd been pushed to the barrier- right against it! I was over the moon!! I said to myself "I'm here until the end. The only way I'm getting out is if they drag me out unconscious". 
I nearly died. I had 4 hours until MCR with no bands I wanted to see until them. I'd been on my feet for about 6 hours, I was being crushed against the barrier which was chest height so was pressing my underwiring into me. I was so hot, and so weak, my feet and legs had given way but I was being propped up by the crowd, we were that packedin. I couldn't breathe and I had such immense pressure on both sides of me I actually thought my hips would shatter. Crowd-surfers and people being dragged out were constantly going over me, kicking me in the back and head. And whenever the security guards came up to get someone, my hands and arms would be crushed into the barrier. I was tempted to get pulled out, but I was determined not to give up... I was so exhausted, that I was close to falling asleep, but I knew I had to stay awake or they would pull me out. I must have looked awful- both the girl beside me, and a security guard asked if I was ok...
At the end of [MCR's] 45-minute set (45 minutes! :( ), the crowd dispersed in under a minute, which was surprising, and as soon as I had space around me, my legs gave way. During MCR's set, nothing mattered. The pain went, I actually couldn't breathe but I kept on singing."

Wednesday 3rd May 2006:
"OH MY GOD! My photo was published in Kerrang! On the same page as Gerard Way. It rocks! I keep looking at it. It's the photo that the photographer took on Saturday. It's amazing!!! I'm gonna frame it! Somehow, I knew it would be published. It rocks!!" 

Saturday 17th June 2006
"Being me (universally acknowledge as the 'ugly friend')..."

Jimmy Havok (21st June 2006- 1st November 2006)

"A bit about me:
I'm eighteen years old, and have just finished college studying 3D art, English literature, graphic design and childcare. In September, I will start to study primary education at the University of Winchester.
I have naturally brown curly hair, which is theoretically dyed black, although it's very nearly back to my natural colour. I wear black emo glasses and braces. I have 12 piercings: 2 nose, 4 ear and a scaffold. My 2 surface piercings grew out.
My favourite bands are My Chemical Romance, AFI, Aiden, The Used, Funeral for a Friend and Bullet for my Valentine. I have met MCR, Aiden, The Used's Jepha Howard and Bert McCracken, and 4/5 of FFAF, as well as Story of the Year, Drive By and Fighstar's bassist."

Wednesday 2nd August 2006
"[After an argument with my boyfriend], I threw some items loudly around the room and when he didn't move, I threw a biscuit at him. A few minutes later, I heard him eating the biscuit. That was the last straw". 

Monday 18th September 2006
"Well, here I am [at uni]. It's so weird, I can't get used to it. It's so quiet. And lonely. My room's ok. I don't like the green carpet or the stripped wood, but it's a nice size". 

Saturday, 23rd September 2006
"I'm getting a bit worried about our relationship... AND- this will sound stupid- but he's put Fiona as his top on Myspace."

Thursday 28th September 2006
"I went into New Look to treat myself, and ended up buying a pair of emo jeans. Shameful, I know but they're jet black and, amazingly, they don't give me sausage legs!"

Saturday 30th September 2006
"I'm dying inside. We're in the process of breaking up...I'm so scared. I actually physically hurt. And I feel awful. I tried eating but I feel worse now. I feel empty, like there's nothing left of me. I can't even cry."

Wednesday Ribena (5th November 2006- 13th February 2007)

"A bit about me:
I'm at the University of Winchester, studying Primary Education.
I have black hair, and 12 piercings- 4 in each ear, a scaffold and 2 nose piercings. I am a bit emo.
My favourite bands are My Chemical Romance (who, by March, I will have seen 8 times), Aiden (who I have seen twice), and AFI (who I finally saw for the first time last month).
I have met many bands: MCR, Aiden, Funeral for a Friend, Bullet for my Valentine, Drive By, The Used, Story of the Year, and Fightstar (who I don't like, to clear it up!)"

Wednesday 6th December 2006
"So I'm at the train station, about to go home. Because I'm "suspending my studies". I'm leaving, getting a job as a Christmas temp whilst I look for a job as a Teaching Assistant. As soon as I have my first wages, I'm moving out... I was a bit upset about it at first, but the more I think about it, the more it seems like a good idea". 

Friday 29th December 2006
"Everyone said it would get easier. "Time is a great healer" and all that bollocks. They were lying. It's getting harder. At least then I had the hope of getting over him. Now it just seems more endless by the day."

Tuesday 2nd January 2007
"We went to KFC and it was nice. He bought me a Pepsi and handfed me some of his chips as I had gloves on... Then I checked my bank balance and, to my joy and surprise, I had £17 in there. So I treated myself to the bus home." 

Wednesday 10th January 2007
"Everything was going great until it got emo."