My Motel Stripe Jordan Jeans Experience

I knew this would happen. I absolutely knew it. Back in March, I declared my love for the Motel Stripe Jordan Jeans. Here they are, in case you don't know what I'm talking about:


I finally bit the bullet and got them. I have the perfect occasion at the end of the month (Slam Dunk Festival- Check it out!) and have the best outfit lined up. It needed these jeans. These amazing, beautiful, Burtonariffic jeans. No others would do. So I bought them.

I opened the bag with eager squeals and almost melted when I felt the denim. It is the softest, most exquisite denim I have ever experienced. I gave it a little tug and was elated to find that it was super stretchy. Hooray!

So, with a slight pause to consider whether I was emotionally stable enough to take the risk at that moment, I tried them on. I wriggled my left leg in and then my right. They were tight. Super tight. But- and it's a big but- they fit! Incredibly, I had squeezed into them. The fabric was so soft and stretchy that they were pyjama-bottom comfortable. More flattering than anything I have ever worn in my life. They were perfect! And they were all mine!

...and then I fastened the button. Or, at least, I attempted to fasten the button. Let me warn you all now- When Motel say the waist measurement is 30", they really mean upper hip measurement. My waist, my biologically defined waist, fits a 30". My "in fashion we say waist but we really mean hips" waist does not. Not even a little bit. Not even in a stuff-one-of-those-maternity-button-expanders-on-and-wear-a-long-top way. Mind you, I'm not sure if any jeans would be worth maternity-proofing anyway. Not until, you know, I'm actually pregnant.

Unfortunately, they had to go back. They were flumped down on the Post Office counter this morning. I am heartbroken. However, I did manage to pick up a similar New Look pair (size 16) that definitely do fit me and were half the price. They're not the same but, until I lose a good few stone, they will do.

I'll tell you something though, no more Cadbury's Caramels for me.