Becky Bedbug: 25 things fat people shouldn't do

Showing posts with label 25 things fat people shouldn't do. Show all posts

Monday

25 things fat people shouldn't do: Wear a mumu

25 Things Fat People Shouldn't Do is an unabashed middle finger to the preposterous idea that any human who weighs more than the status quo does not deserve to live a full and well rounded (ahem) life. The list of 25 is composed word for word from direct lists of sheer assholery found on the internet. These range from the absurd to the profoundly shameful, and I will be disproving this offensive notion with style. May the Chub Club live long and prosper!"-The Militant Baker

Wear a mumu

Dress: Meadham Kirchhoff for Topshop

I've been waiting for the longest time to complete this part of the challenge. Unfortunately, mumus aren't exactly in abundant supply so it's taken a little while. However, with the Meadham Kirchhoff collection for Topshop, I was in luck!

As soon as I tried this dress on, I knew it was perfect for me. It's grossly unflattering on me and it looks like a tent but I don't care! I love it! I feel like a hybrid of Mama Cass and Grayson Perry, and I'm totally ok with that.

It's so pretty and girly. There's so much fabric. It's so fun to swirl around in. And, my God, it's comfortable!

So here is me in a massive mumu... and I love it!

Thursday

25 things fat people shouldn't do: Ride a bike

Ride a bike

Ok, I haven't ridden a bike since I was 17, and I specifically remember being terrified then because it had been so long since I rode a bike. I think I was about 10 the time before that. So I'd only ridden a bike once in 15 years.

Then, when we went to London, we finally hired Boris Bikes. I was terrified. I seriously thought I was going to die but, as it turns out, it's true what they say- You really never do forget how to ride a bike!

Amazingly enough, the bike didn't buckle under my weight. Incredible, right? It did make my wobbly bits wobble a bit but who cares? You can see a video of me wobbling on the bike here.

Sunday

25 things fat people shouldn't do: Wear an ironic t shirt

Wear an ironic t shirt

Top: Primark
Skirt: River Island

Ok, so a Pepsi top isn't really ironic, as such. Unless you consider that the reason I first got fat (before I got skinny and then fat again!) was because I drank far too much full-fat Pepsi. Now I drink Diet Pepsi which, although it still might not be any good for me, at least means I'm not consuming an extra 1937565939 calories a day. No, I don't drink it because I'm trying to lose weight. I more than make up for that with all the white Magnums and Curly Wurlys I eat! I just prefer the taste these days.

This top was originally very shapeless and unflattering with a high crew neck. Not ideal for us fatties! I chopped off the neckline and lowered it, snipped the sleeves off to create a vest top and tied it with little ribbons to make it look less butch.

Saturday

25 things fat people shouldn't do: Swing part II

Swing

Way back in September, I posted my attempt at using a swing. Only I didn't have any swings to hand. Now, almost a year later, I've finally got the chance to do this one properly!

Let me tell you, swings hurt fat hips! They chains dig in and it's super painful. I used to love going on the swings and feeling like I was flying through the air. I wish I could still get that feeling!

Wednesday

25 things fat people shouldn't do: Wear a swimsuit II

Swimsuit: Simply Be

I promised you another fat swimsuit post, so here you go! I got this swimsuit a couple of years ago. Yep, another retro, skirted, polkadot number. I love it! Let me tell you though, it gets so heavy when it's waterlogged. As soon as I get out of the swimming pool, it feels like the skirt is going to drag me back down! It's very, very cute though, so I forgive it!

So, I'm fat and I have two swimsuits. And I wear them both. Woohoo!

Saturday

25 things fat people shouldn't do: Wear a swimsuit

Wear a swimsuit

Ok, this is actually supposed to be Wear a bikini but I don't own any. I just don't like them. It would be too much like prancing around in my underwear!

Of course, most people would wear their swimsuit in the pool but there's not a nice one near us so this will have to make do. What do you think of my swimsuit? I'm obsessed with polkadot skirted ones. I have a red and white one too which I'll show off for you soon!

Sunday

25 things fat people shouldn't do: Roll down a hill

"25 Things Fat People Shouldn't Do is an unabashed middle finger to the preposterous idea that any human who weighs more than the status quo does not deserve to live a full and well rounded (ahem) life. The list of 25 is composed word for word from direct lists of sheer assholery found on the internet. These range from the absurd to the profoundly shameful, and I will be disproving this offensive notion with style. May the Chub Club live long and prosper!"-The Militant Baker

Roll down a hill

I've wanted to give this one a go for the longest time but, every time we went to the park, there were loads of people on the hill. I didn't really want to roll straight into them and their dogs! Luckily, I got the chance this week when Laura and I visited the park late on Saturday evening.

It was so much fun! I laughed the whole way down. I was surprised at how fast I went and how scratchy the ground was. Seriously, everybody should try this!

Monday

25 things fat people shouldn't do: Sit on plastic

Sit on Plastic

I'm pretty certain this is the fattest photo I have. Look at the chins on that! This was way back in summer 2010 and I have good news: I didn't sink or crack the raft. Fat people can enjoy Ribena Rapids too!

A year later, about 4 stone lighter, and still a gangsta.

This time I don't look quite as happy about it! Still, I didn't snap any part of the carousel. The kid doesn't seem too impressed though! "Daddy! Why is this fat lady on my ride?"

Luckily for us fat chickas, it turns out that it's quite safe to sit on plastic. Who would have thought?

Wednesday

25 things fat people shouldn't do: Walk through a doorway

Walk through a doorway

Is it just me, or is this the most ridiculous of the bunch? How are we meant to get anywhere? There's not a whole lot you can do without walking through a doorway. Needless to say, I do this on a daily basis. Am I a rebel or what?

Saturday

25 things fat people shouldn't do: Ride a scooter

Ride a scooter

Now, I'm not sure if this means scooter-like-micro-scooter or scooter-like-Vespa-scooter but, seeing as I've never been on a Vespa, a micro scooter will have to suffice. This is actually me pre-fatness but it's the last time I was on one. It will have to do. I'm having far too much fun in Bristol with Leona right now, so just humour me today.

A few years ago, my aunt had quite a nasty accident on a micro scooter. She got two scooters, put one foot on each and tried "skiing" on them. She broke several fingers in her hands. I was very aware of this when I was attempting to scoot along and I was a complete wimp about it, crawling along slower than a particularly slow thing.

They're scary things, ok?

25 things fat people shouldn't do: Jump in a lift

Jump in a lift

I don't like lifts at the best of the time. I'm not massively afraid of them- I will use them- but they certainly make me feel a little uncomfortable and I'm always relieved to get out of it. So the thought of jumping in one was not fantastic. Still, I'm a dedicated little bedbug and I was going to complete this challenge!

Just look at the confidence on my face...

Thursday

25 things fat people shouldn't do #14

Go to the cinema

I'm not a big film fan. I generally don't have the patience to sit through an entire film at once. I get bored and start drifting off into my own little world. Plus the fact that I'm terrible with facial recognition, so I tend to get confused about who the characters are.

However, when I do find a film I love, I will happily squidge up all cosily in a chair, armed with a bucket of Diet Coke, a tub of popcorn (always sweet), and occasionally one of those massive hot dogs.

As it turns out, I don't actually have any photos of me in a cinema, so instead have this photo of the tissues I used throughout Deathly Hallows Part 2. To say I cried a lot would be an understatement!

Saturday

25 things fat people shouldn't do #12

Be Straight

I'm not quite sure how this one works out. Fat people can only be gay, I guess. Because straight guys wouldn't like a fat woman, so fat women can only be lesbians? But then what about fat men? I don't know. Some people are crazy.

Anyway, as you probably all know, I'm engaged to Rich and he's pretty damn awesome. And infuriating. You know how it is. I recently wrote a post about him so I won't repeat myself now. All you need to know is, I'm marrying a man and I love him. There. Deal with it.

25 things fat people shouldn't do #10

Shimmy

Back in the early 90s, my mum thought it would be cute to enter me into casting for a local fashion show. The casting entailed walking around in time to music in an empty shop in the shopping centre, with what felt like the entire poppulation of our town watching on the other side of the entrance, whilst three casting people sat behind a desk and wrote notes.

Now, I was an extremely anxious child. I didn't answer the register for weeks after starting school since I was terrified of everyone looking at me. So, needless to say, this casting was not the ideal environment for me. I spent the whole song clinging to the back of my brother's grey sweatshirt (that is how vividly I remember this incident!) and trotting behind him, practically flattening myself against his back.

At the end of our part, my mum was called over by one of the casting judges. He had (obviously) noticed my nervousness and recommended that I start dance classes to boost my confidence. Aged 6, I started my first Latin American, ballroom and freestyle classes. I loved it! I wasn't very good (My greatest achievement was coming 3rd in the dance school presentation) but I lived for dancing. I carried on with the Latin American and freestyle until I was 15, when my dancing partner Sianie unceremoniously dumped me and I couldn't find another one. I still haven't forgiven her...

Anyway, I had to do a lot of shimmying in my dancing days and, these days, I have a lot more to shimmy. It's fun! Try it!

Monday

25 things fat people shouldn't do #7

Wear glitter

Jes actually listed this as "Wear shirts with glitter" but I don't actually own any tops with glitter. Or anything with glitter. I do, however, own a lot of things with sequins!

I picked up this amazing red sequinned dress in a charity shop and I had to have it. It was labelled as a size 8 but I thought I could stick it on Doris as a decorative piece. When I got it home, it turned out it was super stretchy and I could squeeze into it. I feel like the love child of Julian Clary and Jane McDonald in it!

Sequins are a must for Christmas, of course! I love my Topshop skirt.

My mum bought these shoes when I was 16. It feels great to still be able to wear something I wore as a teenager!

Maybe I'll wear all three together sometime!

Saturday

25 things fat people shouldn't do #23

Sit at a booth

Not just sitting at a booth, but sitting at a booth in Nando's, no less! I have never (yet) got stuck in a booth but they certainly are awkward to get in and out of. Despite the inconvenience, I still get a childlike delight in sitting at a booth. Why do I always like the most unwieldy experiences so irresistible?

Tuesday

25 things fat people shouldn't do #4

Drive

Ok, I know I don't drive (Although I do have a car). Jes hypothesised that the reason why fat people shouldn't drive is because they should be walking instead. In that case, I will replace this with "use public transport".

Well, for one thing, I couldn't do my job without the train. I work 28 miles away from home and I don't fancy spending 9 hours walking to work, thank you very much.

I do walk 25 minutes to the station in the morning though, then another 15 at the other end. Multiply that by 2 and I walk for 80 minutes a day just to get to work and back. That's good enough for me, thanks.

25 things fat people shouldn't do #18

Go to bars

Ok, so I don't actually drink. As a result of this, I don't often go to bars or nightclubs. However, I am partial to a pub lunch. I prefer to go in the middle of the day, when they're quiet and you can actually sit down and have a conversation, rather than squeezed in a corner on a Saturday night.

In fact, I wrote my entire dissertation in this very pub. Towards the end, I was spending 7 hours a day, 5 days a week in the pub typing on my little netbook. It was a really lovely, quiet place with soothing music playing so it was the perfect environment for knuckling down to work. The bar staff got to know me and my routine pretty well- large Diet Pepsi (no lemon and no ice) and, at 3pm, a bowl of chips. Perfection!

25 things fat people shouldn't do #10

Eat in public

Oh, just try and stop me! I blooming love food. I especially love chicken. And Nando's. I could never stop eating Nando's. Yeah, I'm a little on the chubby side but I refuse to shut myself away and eat in private, crying into my chicken.

I will eat my chicken proud and in public. I'll shout it from the rooftops if I have to: "I am Becky and I love Nando's!"

Of course, it's not just Nando's. Over the past month or so, I have also eaten in Pizza Express, the local pub, on the train and in the streets of Winchester. Do I care? Not a sausage.

Sunday

25 things fat people shouldn't do #6

Fly

I've mentioned before how much I hate flying. One of the things I hate- besides, you know, the risk of falling out of the freaking sky- is how claustrophobic it is. As soon as I walk into a plane, I think "This is the little tin can where I will die". Then you sit down in those teeny little aluminium seats, with a seatbelt that always- always- seems to be adapted to fit a 3 year old on the preceding flight, and get your feet sandwiched between two slices of metal. Then, of course, the person in front of you decides to tip their seat right back, 5 minutes into an 8 hour flight, so you basically end up as their big, squishy plane-pillow.

At least you get to snuggle up with a blanket and paper pillow and, sometimes, free Coke and chicken!