Tuesday

Why I didn't change my name after marrying


Even in 2015, people seem to find it strange that I can be married and have a name different to my husband. They already struggle with the fact that my name is not Rebecca, so add a married Miss in there and it blows their minds! There are several reasons why I didn't change my name, and some of them are probably not what you'd expect.

My name is ME


It's going to be very difficult to write this post without revealing my surname! My last name is ugly, harsh and, despite being only one syllable, apparently impossible to spell. I also find it can be quite difficult to say sometimes as the ck in Becky is quickly followed by a Cr sound. Maybe it's just me but I get easily tongue-tied! However, despite all of this, it's my name. I've had the same name for 26 years and I attach so much of my identity to it. The thought of changing it just baffles me! Besides, I love my stupid, ugly name! It's very unusual and I've never met anyone outside of family with the same name. In fact, there are apparently less than 2500 people with it in the UK so that's pretty cool!

My career

Admittedly, I don't have the kind of career where I need to keep the same name for recognition and clients but my grandma was a teacher and it was she who inspired me to go into teaching. Having the same name as her is like my tribute to the woman who has inspired me so much in life.


I'm lazy

I probably shouldn't be admitting this but it's so much hassle! In England- I'm not sure about the rest of the UK- you can change your name automatically after marriage if you take your husband's name as is tradition. You also don't need a deed poll if you double-barrell the two surnames, which was our initial plan, but some organisations won't accept this unless you have a new passport. Of course, sending off for two new passports is expensive (especially when Rich just got his a couple of years ago) and a hassle in itself! Because of this, it's often recommended to change your name by deed poll just to make things easier. Then I'd have to change my name with the bank, the DVLA, HMRC, DBS... It's just so much more simple if I keep my silly, ugly name!

I'm sure some people expected this to be a feminist issue but nope. I have absolutely no problem with women taking their husband's name. It just wasn't for me. My name may be ugly, but it's mine! Maybe one day, it will be easier to accept that a Mr and Miss can also be married!

25 comments :

  1. I totally get this post, I have been married before and never changed my name. It's personal and a part of you. I think the second time around though I will, but that's my choice. I don't think women should be forced into it,and certainly shouldn't be be made to feel bad about it. Good on you! x

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  2. Great post Becky! I honestly don't se the confusion or the hoo-har about changing your name. When I get married, I probably will change my name but that's just me and a personal preference but I don't understand why it's even an issue that people don't! It's not like your husband is going to forget you're married to him because you don't share his name haha! I like your point about following in your grandmothers footsteps too - I think that's lovely :) xo

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  3. Enjoyed reading this!

    I always said I'd not change my last name as I love it, despite it being my dad's and not having anything to do with him, I do really love it. I always said the only exception would be if my partner had a Welsh sounding name - my partner's name is Evans so I'm in luck ;) I have also thought about it a lot more recently, and I'd want to have the same name as my children too.

    I do understand the feminist arguments for not taking a husband's second name, but I'm more than happy to leave my dad's name behind and take a new from the man I'm in love with.

    Rhi x

    www.chapterandcircle.co.uk

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  4. surely you can STILL be Mrs. Becky Cr*** though, no? like, you can tick the box that says "I AM A MARRIED WOMAN", because "Miss" automatically indicates you're UN-married, not that you're keeping the name. Do I even make sense? probably not. you do you. I like your surname, for what it's worth.

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  5. Hi Becky. Love your blog! Just to say that my take on feminism is that men and women should be able to do want they want with their names after they marry - whether that means the women taking the man's name, the man taking the woman's name, everyone keeping their own names or making up a weird new hybrid name a la Brangelina. At the moment, about 60% of women (who get married to male partners) take that partner's surname. Which to my mind means that opening the choices has helped couples to decide what's right for them - which is totally awesome! I'm a bit like you though: my partner's name is a very common one, and mine is very unusual, so I'd like to keep my own one if we ever decide to tie the knot. Plus I'm a freelancer, so I feel like I gotta keep it for business reasons. :-) Plus, from what you say, it does seem like a total pain to get it changed!

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  6. Sounds like sensible reasons! I wouldn't change my name if I ever got married, I like my name and see no reason to change it! I'm also a doctor and so it is the name I use professionally. I don't want to have a professional name and a personal name, I am only one person! Hopefully as more and more women keep their surname, other people will stop thinking it is odd!

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  7. I think if Kris and I got married, we should take my name because it's fancier haha. Either way, I would change the surname so then we'd have the same initials. That's all, no major reason, just so I can laugh at us having the same initials.

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    1. I now have almost the same initials as my husband, i'm CEP and he's CDP. so close!! im contemplating giving our kids C names, my grandparents did, they were Margaret and Martin and had Martin and Michael, feels like it should be a family thing!

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    2. If I eventually get round to changing my name, Rich is also going to change his so we're both double-barrelled and then his initials will be RICH

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  8. LOVE THIS POST! I totally agree. I don't plan on changing my name when I get married either and people are always giving me hassle for it. It's really not that big of a deal. But people seem to think that only celebrities like Sofia Vergara and Angelina Jolie are allowed to keep their name after marriage. Nonsense. I'll do what I want. You go girl! :) xo

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  9. I'm not married or planning to get married currently, but I didn't see any point in changing my name when I was planning to. My name is perfectly fine as it is, and when men don't usually change their name why should I?

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  10. I'm on the same boat as you, but thankfully no one has bothered to ask why I didn't change my last name. Just like you, I'm very attatched to it and there is history in my last name that I'm very proud of.

    Vegetarian Courtesy

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  11. A lovely reason to keep your name 'cos of your Grandma! :D if I had to pay for a new passport I wouldn't change my name either! Personally it wouldn't matter that much to me, I'd probably just keep my name :) it is a very sexist tradition, the father 'giving away' his daughter to the ownership of her husband, like that's actually why it was done in the first place, same as changing the woman's surname to her husband's! I think because of its original purpose I wouldn't, but the freedom feminists want is the choice, so if women or men choose to change their names I think heck why not! :) xo

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  12. If I ever get married, I will not change my name. Just like you I attach so much meaning to it. My grandfather bought it because he wanted a name that started with 'A' instead of his old last name that started with 'P' and was a typical Danish last name. I never met my grandfather so my last name is something to remember him by.
    There are only six persons left with the name as my sister and brother both now have it as their middle name after they married. I like having an unusual last name, though nobody is able to spell it even though it is so easy. My first name is also pretty unusual (at least very few people are called it in Denmark). I like being the only one in the whole word who has my name.

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  13. Good for you. I'm not sure what I'd do. When I add Mrs in front of my surname I just think of my mum haha.

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  14. Me and my handsome man have decided we'll both take my surname when we get married. It's brilliant and it suits him so much. Amy and Ian Marks! YESSS.

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  15. Interesting post! and fair dooz. Each to their own. I did take my husbands surname but it is a ballache getting all the documents changed. We got married in October and I still can't be arsed to change my passport etc. Plus it's not cheap!
    x GNAR MOSH x

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  16. Great post, I really enjoyed reading this. We've not set a date for our wedding, but I have been thinking about this.

    When I was a kid, I always imagined I'd be happy to get rid of my last name, mostly because it's awkward to spell and even I get it wrong sometimes. Too many 'i's and 'l's close together. But I realise that I actually don't want to get rid of it. It's a connection to my family. I like the idea of a double-barrell surname to be a pain in the ass, but it is a bit of a pain in the ass to change everything!

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  17. I think it is a feminist issue in that you have the choice to do as you please in that regard ;) good for you though, I think I'd give up my name if I were to get married cause it's bloody boring and common..

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  18. This is really interesting! I'm not really sure what I'll do when I get married as I kind of hate my current last name and then I don't like my boyfriend's surname either! I'm actually considering changing it permanently to something I want :)

    hellomissjordan.blogspot.co.uk xx

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  19. I don't think I'll change my name after marrying either (unless it's a *really* cool name like pokemon). The bank automatically changed my moms last name without asking her, and she didn't even know until she bought something expensive and she had to show her ID too. It was such a mess for her to fix it to what it was...

    ZoesSecretStyle.blogspot.co.il

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  20. I'm in a bit of a quandary with regard to whether I would change my name or not. I am technically engaged to my boyfriend and have been for a while, but at the moment I don't really want to get married, so if anything it's probably a long way off.

    Now I'd happily get rid of my surname as I share it with about a squillion other people. Team that with a first name I also share with about a squillion other people (including you obviously!) and I'm left with Becky Smith. A name I share with at least two other people at my doctors. When my boyfriend and I got engaged I was all for taking his name as it's Danish and unusual. The problem is since then I've become a Dr and am currently just about to publish some articles and am looking for a book deal. So if I later change my name this will cause problems as I've already published under another name. So I have no idea what to do now! x

    Becky @ The Little Blog of Beauty

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  21. I feel the same about my name - it's so unique I'd be sad to lose it! I guess that's something to consider if/when the time comes :)
    Jen x

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  22. I don't see why it should be a big problem if a married couple have different surnames... Doesn't make the marriage mean any less! I didn't realise that you would stay a Miss though! I can see how that makes sense, but then it still doesn't because you are married :3

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